You meet someone, the attraction and butterflies in the stomach are there, you feel excited and hopeful. At the beginning of a relationship everything goes well. If only this feeling of euphoria and belonging could last. Soon, however, you start to feel insecure, unsure if he really cares about you, unsure if you are good enough, attractive enough or clever enough to keep his interest.
You start to question and scrutinize everything. You question yourself, your every though, action and intention. You question your partner’s actions, dedication and love. You need reassurance and constant confirmation and proof of his love for you. You became either too clingy, too demanding, too eager to please or too compliant.
You insecurities undermine everything you do. It dominates your thoughts, actions and every choice you make. You want and need things to be right and you spend a lot of time, energy and effort on keeping things from going wrong. Your life turns into a balancing act.
You will basically do anything in order to hang on to him. You’ll accept anything your partner dishes out as long as you don’t get rejected again and ends up alone again. You have developed abandonment issues.
The other side of struggling with abandonment issues is that you will tend to reject someone before they get a chance to reject you. You never let a relationship develop, grow or mature because you end it the moment you see something not going right. You never learn how to deal with and learn from relationship problems because you leave at the merest suggestion of a problem. You drift from relationship to relationship, without ever developing relationship skills.
The most difficult and sad part of this is … it happens mostly on the subconscious level. Although you know on a rational level that your insecurities will ruin you relationship, you are unable to control this rollercoaster of emotions you are on. You suppress your own wants and needs and ignore your inner voice. You ignore your sense of self, your sense of worth, your core identity that makes you unique and loveable.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Am I too clingy?
Am I a bottomless pit?
Am I too compliant?
Am I impossible to please?
Do I need to be in control?
Am I reasonable in my thinking?
Do you feel lost without a love?
Your need to take a look at what is going wrong, how you are contributing to it and how to break free from it. Be forewarned that this can be a difficult and painful process. Find someone you are comfortable with, preferably a professional person, to assist and support you through this process.
The only true solution for this is to heal your inner self. You need to identify the root cause of your insecurities and to heal from those wounds. Only when you value yourself, will you be valued.
To find and be in a healthy, nourishing, balanced love relationship you have to be a healthy, well balanced individual with a clear identity.
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