Do You Have To Always Agree For A Healthy Relationship?

As children we learn that making agreements and keeping those agreements makes us feel secure. It's always been a sign of a good friendship.

The same holds true for adult relationships. Remember, however, that I'm speaking of agreements – not agreeing. Agreeing to disagree can work just fine!

Each stage of a relationship requires making agreements. KEEPING those agreements gives you a sense of integrity within yourself, is a sign of dedication to the relationship and instills trust in you by your partner. On the other hand, breaking agreements destroys trust, breaks down communication, and erodes your intimacy. When agreements are broken, it is crucial to acknowledge that and make new ones.

Agreements are often implied instead of clearly stated, with one person assuming the other will behave in a certain way – consistent with his own view. When this happens, the perceived betrayal is then based on one partners expectations not being met once, which leads to disappointment and distrust. It's like when one partner has “an affair” – or at least one perceived by the other partner. This happened because an “agreement” was never communicated to both partners that the relationship was to be exclusive – that they were not to date any others.

Situation's like this drastic example make it clear why communication within the relationship is so all-important. Don't try to read minds – or expect your partner to read your mind.

Disagreements are not automatically unhealthy in a relationship. They can be a way of considering your opinions, creating new options, expanding your individual and collective vision, and testing your ability to compromise. Healthy disagreements can lead to resolutions that make you more relaxed about staying together. In other words, they can strengthen the relationship by forcing both partners to sometimes think outside the box. To think from their partners point of view and come to agreements that would not have come about on their own.

Bottom line – you CAN agree to disagree. You are not joined at the hip with your partner, but two individuals who have come together in love and companionship. You need to retain your own individualism while, at the same time, learn to take into account the feelings, and opinions of your partner.

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