Finding a partner is a serious goal and who you choose is very important. However if you appear to be too serious about it or intense, it is amazing how quickly you will put off possible suitors. Although it is your goal to find a partner, it is important to be the type of partner your partner is seeking.
Even though your partner is seeking a woman to marry and create a family with, men never want to be rushed into marriage. They must fall in love first. Unless you allow him to fall in love, he will not be at all interested in marriage or children.
For a man to fall in love with a woman he must yearn for her. Don't mix up lust with love. He may be attracted to you. He may have already, with subtlety, indicated that he finds you attractive. He may even have given the impression that he would like to have sex with you, however that does not mean that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Men can be attracted to any number of women and to have a sexual encounter with him does not mean he will want to marry you. After sex he is more than likely, even less likely to want to marry you.
Most men dream of marrying a virgin in a white wedding dress. However don't let that worry you - just don't be too easy. If you want to marry him allow him to fall in love with you. Give him the opportunity to yearn. Allow him to yearn for you.
No. 1 priority is to be the person he wants to be with. Live in the now. Enjoy the moment, rather than planning ahead. He wants a woman who is fun, a companion, a playmate and a best friend. He does not want to be smothered or controlled. He does not want to be mothered or fussed over; he wants to show you how manly he is. How he can organise things. How he can call you and invite you out all of his own accord. It may not be at the speed you like but if you are interested in him you will let him be and let him do his own courting at his own pace.
We have heard of women who treated the first meeting like a job interview. We hear of couples who have just met who start off by asking each other what are they looking for in a relationship. That couple never hits it off because what they are doing to each other is too confronting. Too scary and it also scares women off as well as men.
I have noticed that impatient women do better with a few guys on the go at the same time. Even if you are not interested in some of the men you meet, develop friendships so that you are keeping busy and having fun whilst you are waiting for ‘the one' to get his act together. You cannot hurry him and if you do you are taking the risk of putting him off altogether or even worse; that you end up sliding in to the relationship without a firm commitment from him.
I have heard this story many times from men who come to Entre Nous after a divorce: "I never really fell in love with her. We got on well, the sex was great, and before I knew it we were living together. She fell pregnant and wanted to marry. I didn't have the heart to say ‘no'. However I never really fell in love with her. She ended the marriage because she said we had grown apart. This time I want to fall in love with a woman and I want to do my own chasing."
How would you like this to happen to you? How would you like to end up with a man who wasn't in love with you - just liked the sex? This is much worse than putting a man off because you are too pushy or talked about marriage or a permanent relationship too soon.
If you really want a man, live in the ‘now', be enjoyable company and have fun. The heavy stuff will come but you cannot force it and get away with it. If you control the situation what you are doing is manipulating. It doesn't work in the long term. You may think you have achieved something but it will be at a great cost.
If you are really keen, throw away his telephone number, let him do the phoning and make sure you are going out, (not dating) with others. Keep your calendar busy so that you will not be tempted to call him.
It is most important that a man be more in love with a woman than she is with him. Especially if she is to have children with him because she is more vulnerable than he is. If he is deeply in love with you and you are 8 ½ months pregnant and have a tantrum and throw a pot of paint over him he will still love you if he is deeply in love with you. However you must allow him to fall in love with you at his own pace.
When you meet a lovely man, be what he wants at first - a fun playmate. Men want the same things as women but in a different order. Change your order to suit him. Have fun and enjoy the moment and the rest will follow. Once a man falls deeply in love he will move at a great pace but you have to allow him to fall in love.
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