Can you boast that you can secure the second date every time but not like this...?
QUESTION: Do you believe in clubs for women?
ANSWER: Only if every other form of persuasion fails!
Whether you want it or not, the second date must be secured just to prove to yourself that it is procurable; so that when someone really special comes along you will be able to confidently ask her out a second time.
It was fairly easy to get the first date because you have something in common. Something in common? you ask. Yes you are both single. But once your worst fears materialised, yes she is taller than you and twice your weight, or perhaps she is like Nancy Astor describes herself:
"My vigour, vitality and cheek repel me. I am the kind of woman I would run away from."
So naturally you keep looking for more flaws. You hardly say a word yourself, while she seems to be suffering from verbal diarrhea. You know she can see you disapprove. You forget your manners in your haste to be out of her company and ... no! you did not get a second date.
Why? She's not your type. But if almost every woman you meet is not your type, how will you know what your type is? And how do you know you will get a second date? Those of you who are naturally polite, will at least take a polite interest in the woman who does not appeal. But a polite interest is hardly a full dress rehearsal.
Unless you are prepared to take a genuine interest in your prospective-new-platonic-friend-who-could be-very-useful-as-a-practice-run-until-Ms-Right comes-along, when someone special does appear on the scene you may not be as adept as you would like to be or perhaps not have the confidence to carry it off.
Have you noticed the playboy in action? He believes: Winning isn't everything it's the only thing. The playboy never wastes a woman. Everyone he meets: from nine to ninety; seven stone to seventeen stone; plain, ugly , beautiful; he charms them all. To him every one is a practice run; a full dress rehearsal in preparation for the gala performance when he meets Ms Right.
Charles is tall, dark and handsome with a winning smile. He said: "But Rosalind I can get a second date with the ones that don't interest me. It's always the women I am keen on that elude me". "Do you come on too strong, show your hand too soon?" I asked Charles.
"No" he said. "I keep it all pretty low key". "Well what do they say when you invite them out a second time?" I asked. "The last one who was my idea of Elle McPherson said, I have lots more fellows to meet yet. I'm not really looking for a relationship". "That's easily solved Charles. Don't invite the Elle McPherson's of this world to start a relationship", I said. "But I didn't" he said in misunderstood tones.
"Oh yes you did Charles. You may not have phrased it in those exact words but she replied to that question so it's what she thought you said". "Hell, all I asked, after our first meeting which ended up with dinner, was: "Would you like to do this again?" Hardly a marriage proposal!"
'Relationship': the civilised conversationalist uses this word in public only to describe a seafaring vessel carrying members of his family. Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life, 1978.
I then went on to explain to Charles that although it seemed an innocuous enough invitation to Charles, this particular Elle McPherson could see it becoming a habit. Forgive her; she's only met Charles once.
What girl wants to go steady with a perfect stranger? Come to think of it most women would; but that is before she has met him, not afterwards.)
Every woman is a rebel and usually in wild revolt against herself. (Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, 1893.)
"But", said Charles, "How do I get a second date with her?" I explained the basic differences between men and women. Men see - women feel. To men it's a visual thing; it's what he sees. Whereas with women it's how you make her feel. She doesn't leave the beautician or the hairdresser's saying, "I look great", but, "I feel great". It is how a man makes her feel that is important. Some of the world's most beautiful women loved ugly men.
Someone cited Sofia Loren and Carlo Ponti as the perfect example - only to be told by a fellow that it was his money that attracted her. I argued that Sohpia Loren probably had more than Carlo Ponti.
No matter how handsome a man, if he treats a woman badly - or even indifferently - she will soon tire of him. I went on to explain that there were many ways to attract a special woman but the easiest was to take an interest in her hobbies and interests.
Most women are keen to learn something new. If you can discover something you can teach her, you may even skip a few rungs up the ladder of success. If she wants to go roller-blading and you are quite adept; show her how. She will not only admire your prowess but will get such a thrill out of mastering it. Everyone loves to learn something new and of course they are appreciative of the teacher.
If Charles had discovered a common interest; and interest that his Elle was really keen to pursue, he probably would have secured the next two or three dates. And while all this roller-blading or whatever was taking place, he could have searched further to find even more common interests that are dear to her heart.
By the way, don't forget to tell her how good she looks in roller blades. Even if she is the type who would say: "I'll bet you say that to every woman who looks good".
Edward's problem was worse. He was not even enjoying the first date, much less getting a second. "What went wrong?" I asked. "It was so stiff. The conversation was stilted. I am sure neither of us enjoyed ourselves. I felt so flat afterwards. I am sure she didn't like me".
"What did you do or where did you go?" I asked Edward. "We went for a walk in the Botanic Gardens and we mainly talked about our families and our jobs". "Are you or she regular visitors to the Gardens?" I asked. "No, it was my first visit", said Edward.
It was definitely unfamiliar territory. Most women would love to go for a walk in the Gardens. It's so romantic. But not on the first meeting. It's just too heavy with a perfect stranger. Talking about personal issues, such as family are also a little too heavy for a first meeting.
If she is not interested in you initially it will drive her further away. A quick cup of coffee or a drink is enough to find out what it is she would really enjoy doing. If you find that you have nothing in common - there will be a least one movie that you both want to see. It is vital that you convince her to see that movie with you.
Never waste a woman or an opportunity to practice on one. I explained to Edward that the easiest way to get a woman to like him is to make her shine. Everyone has 'star qualities' Discover hers and give her the opportunity to shine for you. Once she is shining, her beam will light you up too.
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