How to Get your Ex to Return Your Call

A break up in a relationship is not easy but sometimes making up is not that hard either. One question that comes up in nearly every break up situation is "How do I get my ex to return my phone call, text or IM?" Well, relationships have their own personal history and quite often the history is strong enough to bridge the rift. The good news is that there are words and approaches you can use that almost compel your ex to return your phone calls, text or IM.

What NOT to Say! Before we get into what to say, let’s take a look at two types of what not to say messages; The Plead and The Emergency. These almost never work and they can seriously compromise your overall credibility and psychological position.

The PLEAD message usually goes something like - "John, please, please, call me. This is the 3rd time I have called. I HAVE to talk to you." Now, if you were John listening to your voice mail or reading a text message with wording like that, what psychological reaction would you have? Wouldn’t you just hit the message delete button?

The EMERGENCY message usually tries to feign a sense of urgency with something like - "Cindy, this is an emergency. Please call me as soon as you get this." Once again, what would you do? Wouldn’t you just hit the message delete button?

The problem here is that both of these messages are very negative messages that come from self-centred desperation and, who wants to talk to a love-sick emotional desperate?

How to engage curiosity and self interest. Curiosity and self interest are two of the most powerful forces in the human mind. And here's the big secret. When you combine the two, you have a formula for work some 'magic' into the situation.

Is this manipulation? Well, if you are using it to manipulate your way back into a relationship – I hope it fails and you get dumped forever. But, if the relationship was good and something has gone awry, curiosity may open the door. Once the door is open, be prepared for some hard work – on yourself!

What can you say that works nearly every time? Think about saying this message in a friendly tone: "Hi John. It's Cindy. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me. Call me because I want to thank you in person."

What happens to John do when that message goes into his brain? First of all he is curious –a powerful natural instinct. He wants to know what he did that Cindy appreciates. Was it something that happened after the break up, was it something during the relationship that Cindy didn’t appreciate at the time? Did Cindy send the message to him in error? Should the message have been for a new boyfriend – and yes that does happen, particularly with stored contact numbers.

Second, something is going on, it doesn’t sound negative or desperate, he is curious and out of self-interest he just has to check it out. That message is not about Cindy, it is about John and he wants to find out what is going on.

Now, a word of warning, if you use this technique and send this type of message without an 'overall' strategy, you may do more damage your relationship than an unreturned call or two.

Healing a rift in a relationship is not just a matter of a message or phone call. What you do before, during and after you get them to return your call is MORE important than getting them to return your call. If you apply this technique with no underlying strategy and they call you back you can do more DAMAGE than good. Have a well thought out plan and strategy to implement.

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