Online Dating: Whoa! Slow Down Just A Bit

Online Dating: Whoa! Slow Down Just A Bit

by Phil McCloud

Dating can be one of the toughest things we ever do, but it can also be one of the most fun things. Dating has changed so much over the years. I can recall getting all dressed up, borrowing my dad's car to pick up my date for our high school prom. Back then, you bought a corsage, pinned on her (if your fingers weren't shaking to bad) and promised her dad you'd have her home by 11. Then you did your best to make sure she was home on time cause if you didn't, chances are she'd not be allowed to go out with you again, even if she wanted to.

Dating has gone through a total transformation. Now, you text someone, email someone or chat online with them. Gone are the days where romance involved a rose, a glass of wine (for adults) and the gleam in each other's eye as they looked into each others soul. Now, it's a smiley face, perhaps a rose drawn in ANSI and steamy words on a computer screen. Sometimes, it might even be as much as a live web cam meeting, but that's not as common as it could be. How much gleam can you see in one's eyes looking through a web cam?

Along with the technology that has all but done away with traditional dating, has come a greater problem, that of not being able to tell if one, or the other are serious, or just playing games. After all, how many different IM windows can you open on your computer? It happens more often than you think. A guy, or girl, will be dating 3, 4 or more people at the same time. Not on different nights, but at the same time, on the computer. Oh, but your in love with him (or her). They wouldn't do something like that. I hope not, but how do you know? How do you know that they are telling you the whole truth?

First, you should never allow yourself to fall in love based on what you know from a chat room or IM. Instead, put your feelings in check until you know more about the person you're starting to have feelings about. Whether it be a him or her, makes no difference. Both male and female can be as cruel and untruthful as the other. So girls, this in not just for you. And guys, pay attention because you're just as apt to be emotionally hurt as well. Okay, I'll admit, feelings cannot be turned on and off like a light switch. I only urge caution until you are confident that you are not being used, or toyed with. The human species can be a cruel lot, but we can also take steps to lessen the hurt by following a few basic steps.

Gather as much information as you can.

Get as much info from the person your interested as you can. Some things you need to know is:

1. What is their birthday?
2. Where do they live now? Address would be good, if you can get them to give it to you. If they are truly interested in you, that shouldn't be a problem.
3. Where do they work?
4. Have they ever been married?

This information is going to do two things:

It's going to give you a sense of how honest they are being with you by the way they react to your question, and it's going to provide you with the information you will need to check up on them. One of the best things you can do for yourself, is to make sure that they are telling you the truth. You've heard the saying, "Love is Blind"? Well, it's true. We can be so caught up with infatuation that we allow ourselves to believe anything. Our emotions take over the discerning ability of our hearts and minds. It's called, being human.

We can however, discreetly take steps to make sure that what we've been told is really the truth. As I said earlier, it's all to easy to hide things in words on a screen (it's not so easy in person). If you going to date online, then use one of the more responsible dating services. Match.com and Chemistry.com are two that come to mind. They have a process whereby they are able to filter out some of the obvious frauds through personality tests done before matches will be provided. Some get through, but without doing a background check, they keep some of the potentially harmful prospects out of the picture. Even with all the progress these two companies have made in providing safe and reliable dating options, there are still a bunch of kooks out there, just waiting to take you for a ride, at your expense.

Regardless of where you found your date, you should always do some preliminary homework. After getting to know your date enough to be able to get the information mentioned above, you should ALWAYS do a background check. This will cost you a minimal amount and will give you the information you need to be able to determine if this a person you wish to pursue a relationship with. When you weight the cost of using Net Detective against the potential pain from heart-break it's worth the one-time cost of $29.00 for unlimited background searches over a three year period.

And, you shouldn't feel bad about doing a background check on anyone. It is unfortunate that a man, or woman, is no longer "as good as their word". With the advancements that have been made in the technology we use to communicate, there has been little done to protect us from those who would choose to disrupt our lives in a cruel, and sometimes violent manner. We can protect ourselves by taking the precautions I've mentioned here. Will it help filter everyone who would harm us? No, but it gives you a real solid picture about the person you are interested in.

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